Welcome to another load of blarney which Mailchimp tells me 13% of you won't even read! I am not going to tell you who you are, so if you are not sure, ask nurse.

Return of the Conquering Hero

The hills around Meall Chuaich were alive as the Green Guru climbed his Stairway to Heaven on his 70th birthday, and I am pleased to say they rejected him, because he is now back among us. In his own words
"Chaps, thanks very much indeed for your generous response to my appeal for sponsorship of my 282nd and final Munro ascent. I'm delighted to tell you that the target of £2,820 was reached a couple of days before the climb, of which nearly 50% came from your good selves. This will enable groups of disadvantaged youngsters from the Cambridge area to develop their confidence and character through outdoor ventures organised for them by Romsey Mill. The ascent of Meall Chuaich, and the party afterwards in Dalwhinnie, were really enjoyable. There were 34 assorted relations and friends, including 79-year-old former Gogs Elder Tony Bateman who managed to carry the champagne all the way to the summit! Photos available on request. Thanks again, Malcolm.
PS - my t-shirt was bright green but the shorts were a sub-standard olive colour."

A great achievement methinks, but I have suspended the idea of letting him write a fashion feature for future updates.


Many thanks to those of you who waved a flag at the Lagonda for a few hours. I got few complaints and no reports of injury, so presumably we all did our duty......and saw a very different game to the one we know!

Seniors Open

Many thanks also to those heroes who have answered David Lawrie's call to be " potential stand-ins" at the Seniors Open on 11 June, when 90 competitors from other clubs take on the Wandlebury.

New Elders

A very warm welcome to Richard Burgess who has recently joined our ranks. Richard has already taken your money in the roll-up, and made a passing reference to "Two Eagles Wylie". I have yet to establish whether the Green Guru is to be the subject of a future Feats, Flukes and Foul-ups, or this is just what he saw whilst climbing Marilyn Munro.

Geoff Sandell

Sadly I must report to you the recent death of Geoff Sandell, a former Elder who will be known to many of you. Roger Turnbull may have further information.


Commiserations to the half of us already knocked out of the Munro Cup, at least we have the Summer League to fall back on. The second round of the Wandlebury Eclectic (white tees!) takes place Monday 17 June (if anyone can tee up with me in the afternoon, please let me know) and the Inaugural Super Vets Stableford is on Thursday 13 June. Good luck to all competitors.

Elders Invitation Day - Thursday 27 June

There is still time to find a friend and sign up for Invitation Day, closing date Friday 14 June (or a few bob in an envelope addressed to me thereafter!). Grub, golf, rolling grub and prizes, all in casual gear, should satisfy a lot of you progressives out there!

Elders Away Day - Peterborough Milton Wednesday 17 July

I am glad to see a number of right-minded folk have already signed up for this annual bunfest. I would encourage more of you to do so.


Your lamentable record so far this year is Played 16, Won 5, Halved 2 and Lost 9. Full details are contained in the updated Matthewman Chart displayed on the Elders noticeboard.....but the print is deliberately small to hide the full horror! Since I last implored you to buck your ideas up you have further declined by losing 60% of matches played, rather than the 54% previously achieved. It hardly makes me an inspirational leader does it! We have lost to St Neots away (5/3), Bury St Edmunds away (7/1) and Haverhill away (6/2) and achieved glorious victories at home against East Herts (5.5/2.5) and The Cambridgeshire (5.5/2.5). I am thinking of arranging a Boot Camp to help things improve......but I am a little worried about the certainty of injury when we are already struggling to raise sides for some fixtures!

Coming up, we have matches against East Herts away on 14 June (contact Paul Wright who is one short), Letchworth home on 24 June, Saffron Walden home on 5 July (contact Mike Day who is one short) , John O'Gaunt away on 16 July (Roy 'Sloth' Fleetwood is looking for reserves), Newmarket home on 18 July and Wellingborough home on 22 July. The sign up sheet for Knebworth (away 8 July, home 5 August) is about to go up. Please support your Captains....especially the last one!

Feats, Flukes and Foul-ups

Two contributions this month......which means you don't get to hear yet whether the ball went in the hole on the 17th or not!
Firstly, Roll-ups are supposed to be friendly little competitions when a group of old geezers pay a £, draw playing partners out of a hat, play best two stableford scores of three per hole (or whatever) and then settle down for a beer while the pot is redistributed to the winners after a slow reveal of the scores. But no-one ever wins by 16 points! Hold your heads in shame Norman Beaton (36), Robert Jones (38) and David Scantlebury (41).

Secondly, I must recount an extraordinary decisive moment in the recent Thetford match when Brian Hayden-Smith and his partner drove home their hard fought advantage. More of this please! One down at the turn and after five pars in six holes, they arrived at the 16th on the Wandlebury one up. Brian was close to the right hand bunker, with the flag front left. His partner smashed his tee shot a long way right into the scrub where the old hedge used to be. One of the Thetford players hit a wonderful shot over the bunkers onto the green eight feet from the flag. The other had hit into the bunker and was playing his shot as Brian's partner located his ball. The three round the green were somewhat distracted as the bunker shot dramatically landed in a rabbit hole at the top of the bunker, just as a "ready golf" hack took place in the scrub 60 yards away. The hacked ball reached the green and continued to roll until it hit the flag and dropped in for a birdie! The Thetford players were distraught and doubly so when the eight foot putt finished a couple of inches short. Dormie two, and the match was won with a solid half on the 17th. I really don't want to reveal who Brian's playing partner was. Lets just say he is very hairy and hangs around in trees!


This month I have had some welcome communications from fellow Elders, as well as the usual drivel from my perpetual stalker the Sloth Bear, who has started quoting Macbeth to me "I cannot fly, but, bear-like, I must fight the course". So now you know, Shakespeare was a golfer. Completely by coincidence, with no knowledge of the bear attacks to which I have become subjected, my daughter has just sent me some photographs from her holiday in Panama, where she visited Sloth Island. I now have photographic evidence of Roy's Uncle Joe, Auntie Flo, niece Jemima and nephew Eric and I have sent them on.They were just hanging about.

I am indebted to the Green Guru who has gently suggested that the snow may have melted by now on the Elders Roll-up notice in the corner of the noticeboard. It may take the "new" regime a while to get round to replacing it, so as to give you a chance to see what he was complaining about.

This may come as a surprise to you, but I have had more than a few conversations about Political Correctness in my time. I am more than grateful to Jeremy Davidson who has warned me about the perils of embracing it, by bringing to my attention an exchange of telegrams that I must have missed between General Douglas MacArthur and President Harry S Truman at the very end of the Second World War. MacArthur was blunt in his references to the Japanese and Truman wished him to be more politically correct in any remarks to the press. MacArthur queried what "politically correct" meant. Truman's telegram read "Political correctness is a doctrine, recently fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and promoted by sick mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end!"

I will leave you with that thought.


My Poll

Which format do you prefer?

  • 1Strokeplay
  • 2Matchplay
  • 3Texas Scramble
  • 4Alternate Shot (both foursomes & greensomes)
  • 5Other

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